Unlucky Unit
by LittletoNone
Summary: (Contains OC) Ned was a random unit recruited by the wonderful tactician Robin, which was a mistake. He became a puppet in a bad play. Someone took his strings and did rather harsh things to destroy his reputation.
1. Naughty Ned comes in

**Oh god, prepare for some oddly written humor. Contains one OC. My brain turned into scrambled eggs after coming up with this guy. I just had to make an FE:A fic (He's my main character ingame :D) Not my best story nor the writing style. Just wanted to let out a little humor this month. I call April comedy month due to April fools. Oh man how I love April. Anyway well I hope you enjoy it.  
**

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One day, there was a tactician known as Naughty Ned, of course he was naughty. The stealing gifts and ruining Christmas naughty. Not the naughty who would touch, you know. One day in camp, it was an average day-

"Who's that? Did someone say my name." The sky blue-haired boy turned every direction. "What?"

He was confused, what is talking to him you say? Maybe an unknown apparition. A figure of hallucination. His cheating mother.

"Why do you sound so evil? And my mother did not cheat!" He yelled at the sky, not noticing his fellow companions staring at him.

"O-oh, sorry, just uh. Can you guys mind your own businesses-"

A fool he was, Naughty Ned-

"Naughty Ned? How... okay maybe I peeked on Lon'qu and Olivia that other day but that was unintentional!"

Or so it was he said. Hm, maybe this writing is broken, I think I should fix this.

"Fix writing? What is going on. **Repeat, one, new message. BEEP**" He covered his mouth with his hands and set them down briefly. "Okay, maybe I peeked on Lon'qu and Olivia that other day but it was SOOOO intentional!"

Ned did not notice the two lovers glaring at him, though, Olivia showed utter embarrassment. Little Naughty Ned ran back to his "safe" tent, hoping to keep away from any dangers. Until Lon'qu became the unexpected visitor to a horror story.

"W-why are you doing this to me?" He breathed his last breaths. "LOOK I'M NOT DYING OKAY!"

Oh poor him, he wish he would've died soon. For this isn't his last mistake. "Oh gods no..."

During the nighttime, he followed Vaike to the spring unnoticed. He hid behind a bush and spied on 'ol Teach.

"Dammit will you just stop talking to me whoever you are, you're voice is scary..." He whispered and rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Naughty, oh little Naughty Ned, glanced at the ladies, then, someone grabbed the back of his coat and forcefully pulled him.

"Hey there Ned, what are you doing here?" The white haired girl asked.

"It's not what you think! U-um, uh-some person is controlling me, you have to believe me! I mean, I believed that one time when you-"

The master tactician broke her grasp and disappointingly sighed, "First Lon'qu and Olivia, then this? I spent 56,000 gold on you, remember that."

"You didn't have to recruit me you know! And it seemed like you had a good time killing MY CHROM!" He angrily pointed at himself.

"Exactly why I wanted to fight you. I still can't forgive him about that bath incident." She crossed her arms.

Poor old Naughty Ned, lost his closest companion by a tree branch. He looked back at Vaike who was unscathed by Robin's wrath. Sully's devil steed on the other hand...

"Come on Robin, you don't notice Vaike spying on these women?"

"Oh I did, until I found you here." How she hated Ned, or did she? Hopefully she would see that ring coming in...

"What ring, oh no." Ned stared at the ring on his hand for a split second and looked back at Robin, who's face was red in anger.

"Y-you do know that you can't do that right?" She threatened him by raising her fist.

"B-but you still have to make Morgan!" Oooh he shouldn't have said that, quite a bruise he got. "I... hate... you." And there he passes out. Robin left his unconscious body near the bushes, just enough for the lovely ladies to spot him.

"Where am I-" You- I mean, Ned woke up underwater, his face looking upwards. How was he speaking underwater you say? That question is unanswerable.  
He knocks back his senses and rushes back up to the surface.

"Why are you doing this to me?" He coughs out any remaining water, which ends up into vomit, "Wha - BLAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! Gods... what's going on..."

Today's the end of that, wait next time to enjoy the suffering of Naughty Ned! If he's still alive. You are alive right?

"Please... no-"

Alright he is a-okay, hm, I'm going to have fun with him soon.

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**I just had to let this out. I'll make this a series no longer than 5-7 chapters. Generally follows the life of my OC Naughty Ned. A My unit with an unlucky and anonymous commander.**


	2. Pervision (kind of)

**No a/n**

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The puppet-master took the strings of the poor Ned and played an act of humiliation. The unseen commander thought, _I wonder why I always include these things, why did I put my thoughts into this? Never mind I better start now._

During the midnight while the sleep caught no trouble, a particular manakete was nearly kidnapped by bandits. But a hero was there to stop their tracks, using his bunny - Taguel abilities.

Little 'ol Naughticus Nedicus particus from the eventicus due to his cowardus, "What the hell does that mean?" He whispered. "And I was there to help remember? You gave me this... uh, this stylus you call it? A strange tool I must say."

He flipped through pages of a nearby strategy book and tapped the texts, giving him unusual information, "What's this, Lucina? Why is it... ooooooooooooooooooooh-"  
His mind went through a series of images, luckily it was still dark, and thought he would do a certain 'thing', "Hold on what-"

Ned quickly sneaked out of his tent, making sure not to awake Kellam who is his tent-partner. Or whatever to call it, "He's not even here... never mind."  
He had a flashback about the assassination attempt in Ylisstol-

"No! No more flashbacks please. Had enough dreams about them. You put that one part where I accidentally-"

Managed to create Morgan, that was a fun one. He mumbled, "Not for me..."

His ignorance caught the best of him as he walked away from camp, "How did I get here?"

He noticed Frederick moving away 'intruding' rocks. He held up a small bag and gathered any pebbles on the ground, "Weirdo!" Ned shouted like a fool. "Gods no."

The bulky armored horse-riding lance loving pebble collecting rock moving overprotective knight turned around to see Ned in the middle of the road he was on. He set a _might _glare on him and walked back to camp, "Dammit, erm, whoever you are! You're ruining me even more."

Naughtilius Nedilius walkilius backilius toilius theilius campilius quietilius, "Gibberish again..."  
(Naught Ned walked back to the camp quietly)

Forteloos he-loos dideloos noteloos noticeloos thateloos he-loos wandeloos inteloos theloos ofeloos Lucinoos, "S-since wh - oh no, please don't!"  
(For he did not notice that he wandered into the tent of Lucina.)

Lucina's sister Cynthia slept with her in the tent most of the time, although Ned was completely unaware of her presence, until now, "Why are you doing this to me again..."

He reached out for Cynthia's blanket and pulled it down to show her chest, he shook his head in regret, "N-no p-p-please!"

His face turned blood red as his hand inched closer, and closer, and closer... that's when-

"What kind of... oh it's soft - WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!" He kept his voice down at the utmost, jolting back out of the tent.

Ned's heart was beating faster than, fast. Though he was tempted to head back into the tent, he wanted more, "Okay okay! Whatever you want from I'll give it to you. Please, nothing but complete humiliation." He cried, heading into the tent for another 'round.'

Tears were running from his eyes, but his selfishness took over him, "Nyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee h!"

Hm, maybe I should change that cry up a bit, "WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYY?!

No not good enough, "OP-OPEN THE DOOR GET ON THE F-FLOOR, EVERY-EVERYBODY WALK... THE DINOSAUR..." He sobbed uncontrollably.

That's better, luckily no one heard his pathetic nonsense. Closer, and closer his hand got, that's when, "Oh I have an idea, I should compare her's to her's! The hell is wrong with me."

tiptoeing towards Lucina, he pulled down the blanket and saw, nothing, "Disappointing. AAAAAAAAAAGH! I have to get out of here!"

Before he could scurry away, he felt a hand pull him out of their tent, he looked up and saw, "R-Robin? Oh what's up? Heh, heh."

"Did you think I would leave you as a shadow during the night?" She chuckled softly.

Robin let go of his shirt, all he could do was sigh in defeat and walk back to his own tent, "I Fu- hate you."

He fell fast asleep, dreaming about a crushing defeat in the past...

_o nos, grimar gunna keel us all. i moost tek ovur mah units to keel hem. i thik i shold nut hev plaid on clasik mod. o nos, surry sully u ded now lolololol._

"Okay I can't take this anymore alright? Just leave me be, you destroyed me enough today."

Or did I, "Yes you did, now shoo, get out of here."

I must warneth ye, this only the beginning of the end.

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**This one felt a little odd to write, probably because of that one scene. Eh, I just put out most of the ideas I had in my brain. Not a lot nor are they as humorous. Hopefully you enjoyed! I felt like it was a little rushed IMO.**


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